It’s a fair question. Especially considering I thought all cervix were equal. We don’t learn pelvic anatomy in school!
So… as all penises aren’t the same, all clitoris aren’t the same, all cervix also…aren’t the same.
Last year a well known and super skilled sexual therapist asked me to show her the way to her cervix because she wasn’t sure if what she was touching when exploring her vagina ..was actually her cervix. So…even between therapists… it happens that we wonder. No shame in asking.
Here’s the extended version of how to find your source:
There is one main road to the cervix . And whatever you will find at the end of this road, chances are you’re touching your cervix.
Some cervix are extremely high up, playing hide and seek.
Some are super low, wanting to come out .
And in between there are variations.
From what I learned and my experience there are 6 main ways I orient my students to touch a cervix. Find below my compilation of articles from different experts :
1. ACTUALLY TOUCHING IT WITH YOUR FINGERS
This is often easiest to do when you’re squatting, to gently insert one finger and feel around a bit (definitely make sure your body is open for that beforehand though, so it doesn’t feel invasive, go gently and with your consent! even more gentle than what you think you should) Your cervix will be the ONLY big thing protruding out your vaginal canal. It’s not a tumour, or a strange thing It’s your cervix.
*WHY SQUATTING? The cervix will be lower to the entrance that way, and you won’t need to contract and tense your upper body as much as you would if you were lying down.
Don’t be disappointed if you don’t reach for her with your fingers at the first time. Some cervix really love hiding . Normally all women have one.
2. FINDING IT BY LOCATION , a GPS INSIDE THE BODY
Usually, the cervix will be relatively centred (although it can be tilted) and pointing slightly down from the very back of the upper wall of the vagina. It moves at different points in our cycle, but there’s a general location that it will be in.
So, knowing that, you can navigate towards it using a wand by running the wand SLOWLY over the upper wall until you get to the end (the vagina isn’t infinite after all!) then sliding slowly downwards. You’ll reach your cervix easily that way (even if you don’t necessarily feel much).
3. NOTICING THE PHYSICAL SENSATIONS FROM TOUCH
When you reach the location where you think your cervix probably is, start exploring with the wand using different (very gentle) strokes and nudges. Notice the physical sensations there. Hang out there for a while, with loads of respect…exploring and wiggling and nudging with different rhythms and pressures to see what you notice.- this is NOT about pounding or forcing anything!
4. FEELING THE EMOTIONS ASSOCIATED WITH THE AREA
You may not feel a lot physically when you first start exploring your cervix (and that’s why we work together during the private sessions). However, many of us will notice a shift emotionally. A sense of something very deep being touched. Maybe even a subtle heart opening. Or a stirring in our wombs (the cervix is the bottom third of the uterus, after all), maybe you feel a pleasure starting point …like I do. An irresistible sense of surrender and a connection with my body from inside. It goes up to my chest area. (we now know that the cervix and heart are connected via the vagus nerve). Some of us might notice emotions This can also be a way we can orient to our cervix.
5. ASSISTED OPTION – GET A LOVER TO HELP YOU
If you’re relating intimately with someone, you could ask them to support you to explore your cervix, through their touch. One time when you’re feeling ready and open for it, you could ask them to sit between your legs and (with consent, care and respect) slowly insert 1-2 fingers and feel around for your cervix, and touch it gently in different ways, so you can get super clear on the sensations there for you.
This can be lovely because you can relax and just feel, instead of being the one doing the touching. Often we don’t feel much on the cervix when it’s first touched, but after a few minutes of touch there may be more sensation.
6. ENERGY LINE: DRAW A INVISIBLE CENTRAL LINE FROM THE CENTER OF YOUR BRAIN TO THE TOP OF YOUR VAGINAL CANAL
If you’re a visual person, like I am, you may be able to draw this invisible line. I imagine it like a golden line, that goes from underneath the Earth towards my vaginal canal, going up in between my viscera and column , up to the center of my skull and beyond…reaching out the black whole on the cosmos. I can even feel my cervix when I meditate using this visualisation. It’s divine.
7. EXTRA CREDIT OPTION: WANNA ACTUALLY SEE YOUR CERVIX?
Buy a speculum, get a mirror, your phone torch lamp or any very good spot light and have a proper look at your cervix yourself! It’s pretty cool little donut. 🙂
So.. that’s how to find your cervix!!
NOTE: Occasionally, your cervix might be hiding, tucked up or tilted back, in which case you might need to be more patient… but it IS there.